February 5th

It has been so long as I sometimes don't know what to share, and I realize as I read other blogs, and reflect on the reason I started a blog, I loved this medium as a journal. When I began my blog I was in my 30's, and now I am encroaching on 50, wow, this coming April. As I navigate this digital world, and am amongst other illustrators who grew up in the digital age, I feel like I am missing something.

How do I feel the same confidence I did, and communicate in this vastly different world. I realize my audience is in a different world that me, unapproachable in person, and I like the real person. As a result, I abstain from communicating online, and there has been a cost. I am alone in this world of art, as I walk along other mothers, away from other artists. I get stuck on how much to share, what to post, and then I don't post anything. I realize, just go and share my process.

How can I process and navigate as a middle age, artistic, mom who struggle with ADHD, and still do it all.   Can be the expert in my own little life, and share my accomplishments and struggles?

Today was one of those days, do you have these? I had such a hard time, starting an editorial project. So I got down to listening to a fellow artist, and writing and drawing all I have done in the last several weeks, and all the things I need to plan for the months to follow. This helped me so much.

•Middle school to apply to
•Party to plan
•summer travel plans to make
•spring break plans to make
•kids activities to plan- Valentine party
•Illustration to sketch
•Class project to do
•Marketing
•Reflection on the past couple of weeks, and realize what I did accomplish

No wonder I couldn't work, too much in my head, and when I got it on paper I was released.

It's has been sooo long

I am taking a class at Make Art That Sells, and our first project is to create a cover for a non fiction children's book on a famous woman, and I got Betty Crocker.

Met some wonderful new friends

Met some new friends in Kauai. The 9 year olds hit it off, and played Junior Chef and we were the lucky recipients of their creations, Hawaiian style!

Making things in Kauai!

A sweet bird

This may be strange but I found this sweet little Bird, there at the end of it's life. So beautiful and peaceful, and a touch sad.

A cute petite book

Here's a little accordion book I've been wanting to make.  I used some illustrations of food items, things one needs in the home to make some yummy homemade food. It is quite small -2x3.

A garden project with the first-graders

Here's an ongoing project we did with the kids in the garden. We used a cardboard tray folded it into a little house and decorate it with things from nature. 

We found seedpods and made little people. I put the characters in cork board, and used wool for the hair, and felt for a cloak. Most of the boys made some swords and the girls found a cute flower to put on top.

A new beginning

Turning a corner. What a rough year. Losing my mom has been the most unsettling time of my life. I am lost. Distracted by trying to approach my art in a more strategic way, but I have come to understand that it is about retuning back to me.

I was losing what made me an artist, a creator of images and things.  As the wise art rep, Lilla Rogers says, "Follow Your Joy." But I was following an unresolved plan - filling my mind with strategies, plans, how to's. . .  and the joy was slowly sucked away. My mind churning with the same thoughts, but none that inspired or motivated me.

So in my abyss of sadness, taking in the reality of my mom's forever absence, and attempting to pursue what I was unable to approach in a smooth way, I have decide to go to the simple mind. To clean my mind of have to's, should's, could do's, try this. . . while entering hollowness - an opening, a place of purity must return - a house woman, a creator of sweet images to be shared. To be a mom, create wonderful meals, create a home where I am present in these young years - not somewhere else in my head - I have been searching in a world of distraction, where there is no path. I am walking back to me - to discover again . . .  Create from here. - from a stormy ocean full of treasures.

I will swim for a while in this water. I will look for clear water - rest on a rock, make treats from the beauty of the sea; a scallop plate, a salad of seaweed, a cup of tea from a urchin cup. A fresh meal I can share with the seahorse. I am the mermaid who has walked on painful legs, on a journey of grief. I have been in the city away from the sea. I will go back to the beginning mind. Nothing but favorite things, sweet beauty, amusement, a simple load, a clutter free place, an unknown. On a new road, a new ocean, starting with a swim, and I will eventually hear the songs around me - but I will keep it protected from what I have known. My head will be a cocoon for now to emerge, who? I don't know exactly. But I do know I will be here - a pure presence - rooted in the earth - not floating in a foggy place - mixed with much possibility that no sounds are heard. My mind is empty. Walk here. Sunny here. Looking forward.

Inspired by going homemade again

Going to one-year-old birthday party and I didn't have a gift yet. I thought I would go back to making handmade needle felted dolls. Juliet was in her art class, and I was busy at work. So much fun and here it is.

A day in Santa Monica

A day excursion to Santa Monica, first day kids went back to school. So many treasures out here. Went to Annenberg Beach club and visited the Marion Davies house. Took on a serene walk on the beach and collected some beautiful pieces of nature. Always, refreshing to take excursions in my city of Angels.

Some projects during quiet time.

It's still winter break and the kids and I are in Colorado. I'm always thinking about art, but don't have that much time with the kids. It was time to go over sight words with Tyler.  I thought what a good idea, but to make some for him. I took our mellow, quiet time and made some while the kids were playing.

Having so much fun in Colorado

So great to be in a different environment, the snow in Colorado. In Los Angeles we miss the seasons. The kids are having a ball and so am I.

Ty and I collaborating on an art piece.

So cute, I did my drawing, and my son Tyler wanted to do his own version. Fun to create together.

Making a snack for the kids

So I put out this food, and no one is coming. 

A day in Palm Springs

A day trip to the Living Desert, and some drawing to go along with it.

 

A part of an illustration for a paper plate design.

I would love to make this into a card. My yearning to create in the mist of parenthood. To stay inspired and disciplined. Not always so easy, but I steal the moments without a strategy, but just sharing some of life. Enjoy the last days of 2015.

A fun desk full of art stuff.

Holiday gifts

Holiday fun

Happy Hanukkah

An illustration I did a year ago. I could perfect it, but it gives the information you need to host a great Hanukkah evening.

Some holiday cards inspired by squirrels and baking

Noodle Kugal Recipe Card

Rosh Hashanah Menu

Yummy Granola, Juliet and I made!

Simple Simple No-Nut Granola

INGREDIENTS

1/3 cup Maple Syrup

1/3 cup packed brown sugar

4 Teaspoons of Vanilla extract

1/2 Teaspoon of salt

1/2 cup of canola/or coconut oil

5 cup of old fashioned oats

optional: add 1 cup of chopped nuts, coconut, or millet(for crunch), add your favorite chopped dried fruit at the end of cooking

• INSTRUCTIONS

1. 1. Adjust oven rack to upper-middle position and heat oven to 325 degrees. Line rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper.
   2. Whisk maple syrup, brown sugar, vanilla, and salt in large bowl. Whisk in oil. Fold in oats until thoroughly coated.
   3. Transfer oat mixture to prepared baking sheet and spread across sheet into thin, even layer (about 3/8 inch thick). Using stiff metal spatula, compress oat mixture until very compact. Bake until lightly browned, 30-35 minutes, rotating pan once halfway through baking. Remove granola from oven and cool on wire rack to room temperature, about 1 hour. Break cooled granola into pieces of desired size. If you would like stir in dried fruit. (Granola can be stored in airtight container for up to 2 weeks.)

Mom

Boy, I miss my mom. Yesterday was Juliet's 9th birthday, and I so thought of my mom and the love and generosity she brought to me so many years, and all the love she gave to my kids. Here is Juliet and my sweet mom a month before she was taken away. I miss her sooooo much. Such a void, so much longing. To you mom, can you believe my gal is 9. I love you!!! Five months without you, still finding my way, and continuing the art that has always brought me closer to peace.